My dear friends,
First of all, allow me to share some very exciting news from last week with you all: I was finally able to give away my wheelchair (!!!!!!). Yup, that’s me on the left at that very moment (vs back in June during my first outing with Dedal!)!
(For those just tuning in, you can read ‘my story’ over here)
But how’ve you all been?! I sincerely hope well and the year has been off to a good start. But if not, that’s also ok; and perhaps I should even say ‘join the club’?
Because in case you guys noticed (the internet is a big place so I’m sure many of you didn’t), but I went pretty MIA sometime around November… or was it October?!
It’s been a bit of a haze to be honest. But let’s just say I’ve also gotten to experience the true meanings of mental health and ‘self care’.
But let’s rewind a bit, because I don’t want to scare you guys! As I mentioned in the beginning, I’ve been well and thriving.
I mean… I’m actually walking now (!!). It’s been a rocky ride over the past year and a half, but I can actually walk Dedal (you know, my pup!) for about 20 minutes now.
Side note: who walks who is another story!
Overall, moving my body again after a year of being pretty much completely immobilized has been a tough one. Because, as many of you will relate, atrophied muscles are no joke; and I’ve had to work on my entire body and mind.
So, over the past few months, ‘my recovery’ has perhaps taken more of a tall mentally than physically. And, to be honest, this blind sighted me a bit.
I’ve literally had to get used to being outside again and all the stimuli that comes with it. So I’m easily tired and have had to rest so much still.
(Let’s just say that the Hollywood tales of people waking up from comas and walking around a week after are The Biggest Lie Ever. Like lmao guys.)
But at the same time let’s not negate the obvious, and it is that (on the grand scale) it’s been an incredibly rewarding experience. And, as crazy as it may sound, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
It simply put my entire life into perspective and allowed me to get to know myself pretty well. Because trust me, we are all way more resilient than we know; and sometimes it takes unthinkable circumstances to know what we’re truly made of.
But anyways! Moving my body again without nerve pain has been pretty neat too lol. So I start every morning, with indescribable pleasure, dancing to either Mexican cumbia (shoutout to Los Angeles Azules!) or some chill techno (lol, I know).
Needless to say, the gratitude is immense.
But equally, and to be completely frank, I’ve felt a deep disconnect to pretty much everything in my life.
I’ve felt adrift.
Because, while I’m ‘still me’, I’m also a radically different person. And, of course, this is to be expected. My life changed twice over the past two years and, in a way, I’m still finding my footing.
So these past few months have been equally marvelous and tough. Because, as I discussed with my therapist this past week, I understand now that I have been mourning the person I was.
The life I had. So I’ve been a little bit sad, melancholic and have spent a lot of time in solitude just ‘processing’ it all.
Which is also why I’ve decided to stay in LA you guys.
This city has been good to me. I’ve met wonderful humans, who have shown me incredible kindness (like so many of you, my dear peeps!).
So what’s next here?! I actually have a big (enormous, gigantic!) surprise coming at you in the next couple weeks.
And I’m not going to tell you more now, other than its The Single Most Important Recipe I’ve Ever Developed… and we managed to turn it into a product for you guys! I can’t wait to tell you more suuuper soon!!
But, other than that, my life has been pretty quiet; I suppose we can say that my ‘full-time’ job has been getting back on my feet! So I’ve just been getting back in the groove of things these past couple weeks: doing some easy cooking, baking and just enjoying the flow of things.
Because, since we’re being completely honest here, all I’ve wanted to do over these past few months with my free time is be outside and enjoy the fresh air and, most importantly, feel like I am ‘living my life’ once again.
So in a way I’m sorry that I haven’t been sharing that many new recipes… but I’m also fairly certain that you can probably understand why I’ve had to take some time away from it all to heal.
Because you guys, I can’t say it enough…! I’m forever grateful, crazy excited and incredibly humbled that I have the opportunity to live once again in a completely healthy body.
Because the fact that I am able to care for myself (and Dedal!) once again, is such a privilege.
So thank you my friends for always taking the time to write, comment, send love and simply be the ace humans that you are! Because, just in case it isn’t crystal clear, this community plays a big role in my gratitude.
Sending you all hugs, kisses, all the best vibes and speak soon!